I told you thousand times already. I hate this holidays. Not only the cold. But the colors, the lights. The people around congratulating. It feels so fake. Like everyone is smiling to you, saying nice things, but you know everything is fake. Just because its Xmas, so, thats how it is supposed to be. Sorry I do not feel this way.
However I love New Years Eve. No presents involved, not fake feelings involved. I just know that is a day to say goodbye to an old year, a year in which you had mistakes, and start a new one with the right foot. Having new plans, new desires. For me, it is like if someone gives you a blank page. Something like start again. Somehow. So, I am always looking forward for the party. I do not usually go out. Spend it with family traditions and after we go to visit some friends or so.
Last year, 2011 started bad. We went for dinner to my uncles. It was nice, but after midnight he started to feel bad and had to go to the hospital. That was the last day he spent at home. Died six months after. A lot of things happened through the 2011… me feeling sick, mum loosing her job, my other uncles tumor… so I was willing to the 2012 to start.
Around 8 I went to have some drinks, the neighbor bar always offers free champaign and cookies. And had some warm wine. I was a little tipsy by dinner time because I am not used to drink alcohol. We had some seafood and then oven cooked fish. I was trying to make nice conversation. Asking my family for 2012 plans or whatsoever, but noone was really participating. Just five minutes before the grapes (this spanish tradition) my grandma and aunt had a fight about the dog, so my grandma went downstairs shouting and she missed the countdowh. I was so concerned about doing all this supersticions right this time. But everythong turned out bad. It was the worst New Years Eve I had. After the countdown my grandma started cleaning up, and by 12.30 I was in bed. Sad.
Anyway… my mum said : it is not how it starts . it is how it ends. Let see.
I just feel very sad and disappointed the year is starting this way.