November is my favorite month. I had to repeat this sentence over and over on my last interpreting (drama) class. Everyone thought it was childish, you had to choose a sentence that defines you, and I chose that instead of those others like “fear…” or ” I wish I was in the countryside” , etc. But to me… it meant a lot.
It’s been a year, so time to put an end to it. I mean, today, last year all this nightmare started. I can perfectly recall this day last year. The clothes I was wearing.
I don’t want to get into it that deeply, I mean, no one is interested. Basically, my best friend at that moment (was a guy) kind of told me that he needed some time to take that decision of choosing me over someone else. Of course, after using me, and tricking me during some time, even lied to me, he did not. Yeah, you do not need to go back to read, I said my best friend (that guy at school). Anyway, I had to see him everyday, I had lost a friend who I had really strong ties with, and I could not eat anymore. I could not be happy from this day on. I did not want to hang out with my friends anymore. I stop caring about Japanese lessons class, and stop going. I stopped enjoying movies and literature. Except on those occasions when I had to write my papers.
Anyway, you may think its shallow, and stupid, and you are completely right.
All I know, its that when I did realize that, that It was not worthy -although unavoidable the feeling- I was already into another situation that was as difficult. I had graduated from my second degree by february… and I did not know what to do.
All of that started exactly one year ago. And today its time to stop that. And it is true. This week has been good. Work was amazing, autumn started, I read, i wrote, i watched films. I asked some friends out. I am going to the movies today. I smiled several times. All my teachers accepted writing me recommendation letters for schools. My grandma loves me again (despite the fact she believes I am not going to have a family ever) and I opened and told my mum the truth.
Nothing can be fixed from one day to another. But I fixed many things already. I have to work more on social and friendships though. Here in Tui I find kind of lonely, do not know anyone.
Thanks for reading. Have a great Sunday