Since I got home I had time to think about staff that was there before, but never sat to really analyze it.
One of them is the relationship with my father. I think is the person that annoys me the most in my family. However, I love him. So much. But can’t help to feel angry at him almost every day. But I think it is because I care.
My mother never liked children, so when I was little she was in charge of taking care of me regarding my baths, my foods, and trying to educate me. My father, on the other hand, was my playing mate. He was always happy to help with me, to take me to Disneyland, to amusing parks. He bought me every single Disney movie. We had such a great time. I used to say, my mother did not belong to the same “ethnicity” than us.
I started growing up, and my father was still in charge of my fun time. I have to say, that he was really really strict when it came to school, and put a lot of pressure on me, because I had always to get the highest marks in everything (even in music school). Those were the only moments I was afraid of him, because he was all the time in a good mood, but when he got angry… you better not be present.
Anyway, the thing is that something occurred and our relationship change completely. Like we don’t talk that much, and do not have anything in common. There are several reasons. One of them is that my father still loves children and becoming and adult kind of disappointed him. Like I think he wished we could play forever. He does not think adulthood is insteresting. He used to buy videogames using me as an excuse, but actually, they were for him (thats the only reason why all my videogames are football related or with car races… ). Plus, I did really disappointed him when I left music school. for real. One day I asked him for advice when I had to choose a major for university… and he said ” you know, my dream was for you to become a piano player, or a math expert and you dropped all of that so I do not care what you study anymore”. That hurt so much, that I still feel resentful. I still remember that perfectly and I whenever I think about that sentence I get mad at him. He probably does not even remember. But I am not brave enough to tell him.
There is something else that makes me act this way towards my dad, and its that I feel sad he has changed too. I remember my dad as an admiring person. He had plenty of interests. There was so much he wanted to learn about. He was involved in everything, NGO’s, Sahara, he loved traveling, he had great ideals. Something happened. He got tired of getting involved, and in order to avoid conflict he does not fight for anything anymore. He does not read anymore. He does not watch documentaries anymore. He does not like to talk, and argue anymore. I want my daddy back. And I know I am unfair most of the time. I know I have changed to, and he did not stop accepting me just for that.
Dad. He is nervous. He gets excited easily. He loves fishing. He always walk a few steps ahead. He can’t stop with his hands, always scratching his skin. He loves the beach. He enjoys being busy and working. He is happy if his family is happy. He cares, but he does not know how to show it. He is demanding, strict. He likes things done in a good way. He has made great achievements. Sometimes he talks too loud, when it is not necessary. Sometimes, when it is necessary, does not say a word. He is sensitive. He loves table games. He wants me to be healthy.