ego

Estándar

I have realized something. Last night I was going to bed and I felt why should I reward myself? should I? why I cannot find reasons to be happy with myself? Like, why still I think all what I do it is not enough and I want to work more and more. 

so let me try. Let me try to mention reasons to maybe feel proud of myself, at least for these last couple of day.

- I have been accepted to volunteer at my old high school in the library. Organizing books, and promoting reading to tenagers. 

- I have been (and my classes) congratulated by my students. 

- I have been asked to teach several people more in my little town. 

- I have been told to look pretty by my friends mother. 

- I have seen friends that haven’t seen for a while, and really enjoy their conversation. 

- I have been asked to go for coffee with my coworkers. 

- I find one of my doctors really, really sexy

- I have put a lot a lot of effort on my classes and jobs. 

Well, as you can see it is probably not enough to feel proud of oneself, but at least to laugh a bit. 

 

 

 

- Haven’t made angry anyone for a while

- Visited ill friends in hospital / home. 

 

Doctor prescription: beer

Estándar

So it was a good day at work. I had my Spanish class and we talked about primary schools and stuff like that. Two students missing, though. One of my co-workes asked me to go with her for a coffee and that felt really nice. 

The truth is that I have been having a coffee break (5 min) every day to drink an Americano. Since my  parents told me I should start surviving with my income (last month was only 350 Euros) I decided not to have that coffee anymore. But today I could not resist the opportunity of getting a friend. 

My mum called me to tell me that I had a doctor appointment today, that I did not know. She forgot to tell me when they called. So after work I went there. It went pretty well. I though he may change my treatment but you know what he prescribed me a beer right after my appointment.

According to him, I have a problem. He thinks I have been too responsible all my life. So he thinks that I should start having fun. I did have that beer. 

I went to the reading club after lunch, and presented some projects, like an interview to a writer. 

Then I realized something. When I was younger (in high school) I founded a club. It was called the Bohemian Club and it was supposed to be a space to discuss about literature, music, writing, philosophy. It had three members. Or four. We never got to do anything, I think we did some book markers. 

It was disappointing since anyone had really the interest. MEmbers where members just because they were my friends and they loved me and wanted to make me happy. But the purpose of it was not too appealing for them. 

The thing is that know, putting together all my activities, all my reading clubs, the drama lessons, and all the people involved, I kind of have my desired Bohemian Club and it is fascinating. 

 

Just that.

I am already tired. and it is only wed. 

 

 

Anotación

On BcN

 
Well, I am back. I did not even realized how fast it went.
Thursday I went after lunch to the airport (and after a conversation with one of my students who seems to be not happy with his class). And I was worried cuz Nuria had emailed me telling me that the university was closed because of the snow. I thought that I may not be capable of doing the paperwork…. 
When I arrived I met Youkyong at the FNAC place. We had a cup of coffee and it was really nice to catch up with her. It was freezing cold. 
 
Arrived to Estelas’ and waited her to be back from English class. I was so glad toI see her again (despite the fact she was angry at me -don’t want to get into details :)
Next day the university was ok, so I could do everything. Not that was important (I mean, i got my diploma and everything) but the greatest thing was going and come back with LAura and Olivia with whom I had seen in forever… like, I felt time was not enough to talk. It was great. We walked around, did some shopping, lunch and dinner with Nuria and her bf ( they look really cute)…
 
Saturday I spent the morning running some errands and in the afternoon went to the movies with Carla. It was really nice, we watched Albert Nobbs. I did like it. I spent the night with Estela talking and talking. I feel I could be talking to her forever. There is always something she has to say, and she’s always ready to listen to what you have to say. 
 
And sunday was there already. Going back home. home? 
 
So yeah, what do i call home? Did I feel at home in Barcelona? No i didn’t. Do I feel home in Galicia? NO I don’t. so that is kind of uncomfortable. Like I do not belong to anywhere. 
 
Let me explain. I love the city. Barcelona. Chilly and it there is plenty of stuff to see and to do. I mean, everything is moving, everything is changing and that is so like me. I could just pass the day entering weird stores and looking at different people. You feel like you have the whole world available there. No one judging you. No one caring about what you are doing, how are you walking, and how are you dressing. There is something, though. Before arriving at Estelas’ house I decided to do some grocery shopping (milk, soup, fruit) so I did not use her stuff, and I acted as if I was here, like saying hi to everyone and making comments on the weather, or irrelevant stuff to unknown people. They would just stare at me… with a “poker” face. Like “i do not know you. do not talk to me”. Like there is a barrier. As if I was going to do something bad to them. I think that is normal in big cities, you just do not trust everyone. But I felt lonely. 
 
Seeing the girls was amazing. I mean, i was not feeling lonely when I was around my friends. In fact, I was kind of surprised because after being separated for this long I thought that our relationship could have suffered damages and I think it did not. I felt totally comfortable and glad to catch up. There, I felt like I belonged there with them. 
 
Overall I felt ok. I already miss them. But not it. And as “it” I refer to everything that brings me memories. Bad and Good. 
 
Thank you
 
 
(I finished Ensayo sobre la cegera by Saramago. Loved it. Nuria, you were right) Now I am going to read Tinkers…

On BcN Well, I…

Cold

Estándar

It is getting really, really cold.

Yesterday I went to the doctor. It is so difficult just to listen you have to get still better.

But it is ok.

Classes went great yesterday, not so good today. I mean, the group learning Chinese is really motivated, they pay attention and they are doing great. The group today… well, the girl does not even know how to read Spanish. The guy is taking the class only because is his only way to work at my job place as an english teacher. So he is not motivated and I feel frustrated because I want them to enjoy the class and they are not enjoying it. They are going slow too.

Lately I have been feeling kind of disappointed at work. I mean, I want to do stuff, to make changes, but I am not supposed to do that, my job is just to teach what I am assigned. But I do believe in language teaching, and I want to try new things, to develop my own techniques, and at the same time I am scared to.

Meanwhile, I am just fighting with my own stories at home. As I said plenty of tmes before, coming back home it is not easy. Not only because I feel I am in the middle of the rest of peoples lives (at my parents, grandmas house) but also because I haven’t got any ties here yet. With people. It is a little town, everyone has his or her own life, and it is not easy to make changes. So, for me, it is hard to “get in”.

Struggling with uncertainty too. About the U.S universities. I haven’t heard from them yet. It is killing me.

On the other hand, I am going to Barcelona this week, on thursday. Until Sunday. I am excited and scared of how its going to feel. I really want to see my friends, get my paperwork done. I want to have fun and enjoy the weekend. Be a little far from all these worries – my uncle being sick, the crisis, work, future plans …

 

I guess that ‘s  all. I will tell you when I am back. Did I say that I loved “arrugas” ? the movie about the old people ? recommend it to everyone.

Anotación

Hey

awf. Weekend already. and its the end of saturday. already. its not easy, really. This last week was actually hard.

Monday I stayed at work for 12 hours. And I started teaching begginner Chinese to a group of adults. They were great, I mean, really motivated people and they made me feel well. However something was wrong with my stomach.

Next day wasn’t that good. Not only cuz I was already exhausted, but because I am teaching Spanish to a really difficult group. I dont want to get into details but let’s just say that there is one student that does not treat me well. I feel useless and really bad.

the other group learning spanish is good.

How I have been dealing with this? not in the proper way. Drinking tones of coffee.Two at home before leaving at 7.00 one before getting into the office, one in my 11.30 break. And one after lunch. Yeah. No milk. Consequences? Nervously scratching the skin in my ears and head, so harming myself cuz I cannot stop my hands from trembling. I know I know, if you are conscious of this why do you keep this thing? I know. It has just been hard.

Plus, you know, when I moved back home from barcelona I brought all my books and decided to put them for a while in the storage room, until I buy a new bookshelf. I went to check on them and you know what? their condition is really bad. They are full of dust, and because of the humidity they are getting dirty… so I had to clean them. Like… books are the most valuable thing I have, and they are really important to me…

My aunt does not talk to me. At lunch keeps silent or ignores me. I think she is angry because everyone is worried about my health and I am making the rest of the family suffer. But … really? does she think I am doing this on purpose? Stop talking to me is not going to make everyone happier. I know I am kinda depressed and it sucks to be around me, but, please, do not be mad.

 

Anyway, I have been walking around tui everyday after lunch with my mum. Kept teaching my godmother’s daughter. Meeting with Monica to speak and practice English. Merchi is driving me to work everyday, and its nice. Love talking to her. Pili also inspired my mum and she enrolled in an english class and in a Galician CELGA class.

We have been planting stuff in our little garden. I have planted raspberries, blackberries, roses, etc.

I had book club session today. We have read “the book of tea”. I mean… it was nice to refresh ideas about buddhism, confucianism, taoism… however, I still do not get the tea ceremony thing. It is suppose to follow a philosophy which is all about nature, to let it go, to be yourself. And i find this ceremony to be very fetishist and elitist. Maybe I am not explaining myself properly. But I think I did in the club.

Its saturday night. I have just had dinner and you know what? I am going to watch some show episodes. I do not feel like preparing monday classes. I’ll do it tomorrow.

 

Thanks

 

 

Teaism

Anotación

I have not been writing for a while… anyway, it is not that I have something really important to say, or to write about. However, I have been doing some interesting stuff. I think. But it just seems too hard to recapitulate and to sum everything up. There are no news on my university admission process, which is driving me crazy. Good news… I am going to Barcelona so soon. Like on February the 3rd … until the 5th. Which is great.

I have watched Sherlock Holmes 2 with Monica, that was pretty entertaining.  And for the rest of the time I have been preparing my lessons with my godmothers child who is having some issues in class because she has problems with her hearing. She is incredibly smart, but she cannot hear the teacher properly so I am just giving her some explanations. 

Today I am starting a new class on Chinese and I am kind of excited. I feel some pressure because some of my students are trying the class and if they like it they will stay in the class. So I should do well. 

 

So, regarding my health I am ok, according to my doctors. Not huge improvement either, but that is normal. 

I made a new friend. I mean she was a classmate in the E.S.O and she works as a waitress in my favorite cafe. We met for a coffee and we plan to keep in touch. 

I am going to work now. 

I must say that I am falling in love with Vigo. Stone city. It smells like the sea. Crazy narrow streets. 

And happy new year (chinese)

I have not been…

New Start

Estándar

Well, still nothing better for the 2012, although I should not complain.

Today a friend was telling me that reading the newspaper is like reading a newspaper of a third world country, and things over here are economically and politically serious. Until now I felt it was far from being a problem affecting directly  to me and my family, but no longer is far from that. It is actually affecting us and most of our conversations are around this depressing topic.

Anyway, at work things do not look as good as last years. I mean, while I enjoyed my one-to-one classes, this January I am teaching a whole group. They are nice, but everyday there are new people, and I do not get to know them that good. New people makes that my class program is affected all the time, and I do not feel really satisfied with the results of my teaching.

Weather is terribly cold, and freezing in the office (sitting the whole morning typing with frozen fingers) , but let’s be positive. Its almost weekend, and today is looking good. I have a private lesson in the afternoon, but I am free from 17.00 on.

I am having lunch with my friend María, we have a lot to catch up, and I am going to the movies with mum to watch Jane Eyre.

Plus, I plan to go on a hike on the weekend, try to buy winter boots on sale, and spending some quality time with Ixchell.

Moreover, I have bought already my flight to spend a weekend in Barcelona, which I miss so much. I can’t stop thinking about all the places I want to go, and the things I want to buy cuz we don’t have them in Galicia. But most importantly, I can’t wait to see my friends.

Yesterday dramas’ class was amazing. We starting working on texts. Speaking of which, I have been reading. Apart from ensayo sobre la cegera (still did not finish) I read Albert Camus play The misunderstanding. I loved loved it.

I have read Cruda Vuelta y Vuelta, which, if you read Spanish, I highly recommend. Kinda changed my day yesterday.

I have read Bertolt Brecht “the flight across the Ocean”.  I did not enjoyed it that much, I find it hard, but I have to admit that it is a good piece that is worth to read.